Liam

It was a little intimidating attending meetings at The Greenhouse at first, because opening up to a group of strangers is always going to feel a bit uncomfortable at the beginning. But eventually, with time (to get to know people) and with effort (in lowering my defences), it has become a warm, safe, and non-judgmental atmosphere for me to get the support I need, and to offer support to others who need it.

I decided to seek help because even though it had been years since I last touched substances, for some reason, I found myself depending on them to be “functional” for over 6 months. And even though I was “functional” on the outside, I could sense a deep dysfunction within me. I was deeply unhappy. And I didn’t know how to crawl out of the trap of being deeply, consistently unhappy. I needed some kind of change. Seeking help was almost instinctive.

“And even though I was “functional” on the outside, I could sense a deep dysfunction within me. I was deeply unhappy. And I didn’t know how to crawl out of the trap of being deeply, consistently unhappy.”

It would be a few months of attending meetings regularly at The Greenhouse before I was finally ready to actually deal with recovery. Some people took a shorter time, but in my experience, you’re ready when you’re ready. It can be hard, wanting to feel better at once and not being able to. But it taught me patience. I learn new things about recovery all the time. How there is common ground, but how it also means different things to different people.

Finding out what recovery means to me has been, and will probably be, an ongoing journey. I think there was a time where I might have found that depressing, but now, I’m excited for whatever comes next.

I’m doing much better now, even though there are times when I fall back into depression and have urges, but the support the Greenhouse offers has been invaluable. The Greenhouse has helped me not just with substance abuse, but also slowly figure out what the best, healthiest version of myself is, and how I can work towards that.

Without The Greenhouse I suspect my life would be smaller, more hollow. More scattered. I think my life would be less... mine. It would be more controlled by substances, by homophobia, by fear, by societal pressures, by family members. My life would not belong as much to me.

I recommend The Greenhouse to others who need help without reservation. Even if you find that it isn’t right for you, it’s absolutely worth a try. They made me feel welcomed at meetings until I started attending regularly.

Liam, 33 years old, Cisgender gay male